Dear diary….

As I lay in bed I try hard to hold back my tears remembering those images I saw that night. They keep coming back to me again and again haunting my thoughts, drowning me further more into the cold darkness of the night. I remember…men,women and children…cut, shred, burned, raped and tortured to death. I want to scream at the world to open their eyes, to see the injustice in this world, to keep a fullstop to all this greed, jelousy, power and addiction we run after. But I cant. My eyes speak instead, rushing down the warm tears which pooled long before, disagreeing to stay back anymore.

I may not be the happiest person on earth. But i’m lucky enough to have a family to call my own and friends who are so dear to me,to eat three  meals a day, to get a good education, to see new places, to get new clothes and other fancy things. I’m happy. And i’m thankful for all the things life has blessed me with. But to think there are so many others in this world who deserve the best in life as much as I do but stupid barriers such as war, ethnicity, and sometimes their own religion and culture are keeping them far apart from the beauty in life  is plainly depressing. To think there are so many  in my own country who are dreaming for a better tommorow, so many others who are crying to see the world and for the world to see them, to see their sorrow, to feel their pain..how can I go on pretending not to see all this . My motherland must be ashamed to call me a part of her own. Today, i’m miles and miles away from her, looking on the internet about the latest news on the civil war of  Sri Lanka, watching the perished bodies of my brothers and sisters cradling in her arms. I am ashamed of myself for leaving her borders, for not being able to be a part of my fellow countrymens’ misfortune. I am buried in a shower of guilt.

Sometimes I wonder, if I have achieved anythting at all in my life.I remember those freindly smiles of our protectors.. our guardians.. our soldiers.A caring arm waving at the giggling girls in our school bus,letting us know that there is still hope, there is still a future to look forward to.I wish I were more like them, stern but loving,fearless and vulnerable, responsible and devoted.The picture of that young man holding on to his T56, dressed in his camouflage costume , is certainly a picture of a knight in his shining armour glowing in pride and independence.And I am eternally in debt to these warriors.  I’m far away from my people, but my heart is huddled together with those innocent children who are frozen at the sound of the deafening explosions, with the babies who are waiting to see beyond the blackened skies and the men and women who are forced to die in the flames of war.I’m proud of the young warriors my contry has borne, and with all my heart and soul I bow my head to them for all what they are doing for my country , my people and our future.I shudder in anger at the people who are taking advantage of my country’s innocence, the ministers and other big big names who have stomach’s big enough to feed each and every begger on the streets .And to think there are people who call themselves Sri Lankan, who eat and drink from this land, and yet support terrorism in this country. I hope you have not forgotten that you are stepping on the soils of a sacred land and to betray her will be an unimaginable punishment. It saddens me to think there are people I know among this group. You disgust me.If you think all that chopping and blood sheding is the solution to this crisis you might as well not call yourself human and to you I say, go to hell.I am angry, I am crying. I’ve lost myself in emotion.

Mother Lanka….I am not here with you today, but I am holding a great part of all what you are going through. And I promise, when the time comes, when it is my turn to make it up to you I will pay what I owe you. Someday… I will prove mylsef to you. With determination I close my eyes, hoping that the fading night will bring a brighter dawn.

May the Triple Gem bless my  nation.

~ by bombaimotai on March 5, 2009.