The story of my life.
I’m like semi-depressed right now. That’s really good news for a person like me actually, ’cause most instances that ‘semi’ part doesn’t usually exist. A person who is always nagging about the same old thing, never willing to let go, never willing to move on. And just one thing/change/ decision – I don’t know what on earth to call it! but a single air trip – no i’ll walk there if I have to, will change everything about me and who I am. So my life starts to become history when my parents decide to move to Australia, for higher educational purposes. Wow! brilliant news…let’s FLY to Aussie and experience the beginning of a new life. But much to my disappointment… there has been no new life. yet alone a LIFE at all. I’m like – not willing to adapt myself to what this great country has to offer me. I’m stuck. in the middle of no where..and I WANT to get out of it..imagine a 20 year old girl trapped in a tiny bit of land only enough to keep her feet on and there is a vast, VAST amount of water around her and beyond that line of water there is life, there is laughter, there is HAPPINESS!…so as i was saying I WANT to get out if it…but then again I can’t be bothered..i’ll just sit here in my tiny space and WAIT till opportunity and freedom come to me..I’ll sit here and wait and see what’s going to happen next. What a loser. No wonder I have no life…but thinking about what I have left behind makes me think if anything I’m going to do here is going to match up to what I had there..and therefore should I even TRY moving on with my life over here.
To me Sri Lanka is the bomb. Amazing friends, who are as silly, retarded and spoiled as I am, good food, good social life, awesome entertainment, beautiful people, family, celebration, culture, color, it’s just true BLISS. It’s paradise. It’s so different to Aussie in so many ways. Its not as clean, it stinks, it has terrible roads, the heat, massive traffic jams, packed buses and perves who stare at you as if you were the last female on earth. But all that is a part of being SRI LANKAN. It doesn’t matter how bad the conditions maybe, when things seem to be THIS perfect – like in Aussie.. you know something is just not right. You miss HOME. You want to be amongst all that chaos. I DO. I want to walk the streets and get chased by stray dogs, or remember all the good things I have done if I pass some random cow on the road, I WANT to walk on the right side of the road, and watch all the vehicles moving towards me and actually sigh in relief that it actually PASSED me and I didn’t get knocked down. I WANT to be stuck in the long and weary traffic jams amidst all the tooting and watch the occasional fights in the middle of the road. I want to walk to the temple and just embrace myself in thought. I want to go places, hang out with my friends at Barista, Cinnamon, Galle Face or simply at someone’s house. I miss so much.
I don’t know what or where I went wrong since coming here. Everyone else seems to be loving it…then why am I being such a fuss pot. It annoys me sometimes, that I never want to go out, that I never want to get along or that I never want to fit in. Like i said in away I can’t be fucked, and my attitude simply lets me down as a whole. I’d just say that being 18 and moving in to a high school in a DIFFERENT country is just not good. It sucks the life out of you, ’cause making new friends or fitting in doesn’t become your only problem..there are other external factors like culture shock and god knows what. Like I keep thinking if I at least started Uni straight away since coming from there…life would’ve been much better, but then things didn’t turn out that way and I had to get used to a new beginning the hard way.
Three years since then i’m sort of getting there. SORT OF. Like for a start I have this album on Facebook that says to forget, to move on and to fall in love..and it’s full of pictures of places I’ve been going to and the people I’ve been hanging out with here in Australia. JOY! . And there is this party happening tomorrow. I was pretty excited about going for it..and then it sort of faded away. God knows what comes to my head ..but somehow it got to the point where I clicked not attending on the events page. Then I fell asleep at some odd hour today and woke up from a dream and for a second I thought I was actually in Lanka..and then reality hit me and I got really depressed which in away inspired me to write this post. And then I just paused for a moment and thought. I NEED TO GET A FUCKING LIFE. I WILL GO TO THAT PARTY AND I WILL REMIND MYSELF WHAT IT IS LIKE TO ACTUALLY LIVE LIFE.
I guess it’s not like I’m not trying. I am trying, but at the same time I’m failing drastically. In summary I just want to go back. it’s where I belong, it’s who I am and it’s where I am myself. When I think of my country I’d close my eyes for a moment and be there at that very moment. I’d picture Colombo, with yellow street lights, big neon bill boards, busy roads, the breeze , the smell, the entire atmosphere is so inviting, heart warming and beautiful. I want to finish my degree soon and go back. I don’t want a brand new beginning, I just want a new start to what I left behind. And I hope it’s just around the corner and I will get there soon… 
I MISS HOME.
Wow, I enjoyed reading that, it’s sad but I think you made it quite funny & I think it was worth the read
I mean I get it, I moved out of Sri Lanka when I was around 13, & yes I had a pretty darn tough time getting used to all the culture, people, schools, people, people & people, lol but on the long run I think it was good that I did move, I got to experience something new, met new people, learned new things & stuff.
But yeah you did move out quite late & yeah I know it is harder ’cause I moved again of course to a whole new country when I was 19 & been here ever since & yes it was way tougher to leave my friends & family behind but you got to do what you go to do to where you want to get right
Cheers!