To me Sri Lanka is the bomb. Amazing friends, who are as silly, retarded and spoiled as I am, good food, good social life, awesome entertainment, beautiful people, family, celebration, culture,  color,  it’s just true BLISS. It’s paradise. It’s so different to Aussie in so many ways. Its not as clean, it stinks, it has terrible roads, the heat, massive traffic jams, packed buses and perves who stare at you as if you were the last female on earth. But all that is a part of being SRI LANKAN. It doesn’t matter how bad the conditions maybe, when things seem to be THIS perfect – like in Aussie.. you know something is just not right. You miss HOME. You want to be amongst all that chaos. I DO. I want to walk the streets and get chased by stray dogs, or remember all the good things I have done if I pass some random cow on the road,  I WANT to walk on the right side of the road, and watch all the vehicles moving towards me and actually sigh in relief that  it actually PASSED me and I didn’t get knocked down. I WANT to be stuck in the long and weary traffic jams amidst all the tooting and watch the occasional fights in  the middle of the road. I want to walk to the temple and just embrace myself in thought. I want to go places, hang out with my friends at Barista, Cinnamon, Galle Face or simply at someone’s house. I miss so much.

I don’t know what or where I went wrong since coming here. Everyone else seems to be loving it…then why am I being such a fuss pot. It annoys me sometimes, that I never want to go out, that I never want to get along or that I never want to fit in. Like i said in away I can’t be fucked, and my attitude simply lets me down as a whole. I’d just say that being 18 and moving in to a high school in a DIFFERENT country is just not good. It sucks the life out of you, ’cause making new friends or fitting in doesn’t become your only problem..there are other external factors like culture shock and god knows what. Like I keep thinking if I at least started Uni straight away since coming from there…life would’ve been much better, but then things didn’t turn out that way and I had to get used to a new beginning the hard way.

Three years since then i’m sort of getting there. SORT OF. Like for a start I have this album on Facebook that says to forget, to move on and to fall in love..and it’s full of pictures of places I’ve been going to and the people I’ve been hanging out with here in Australia. JOY! . And there is this party happening tomorrow. I was pretty excited about going for it..and then it sort of faded away. God knows what comes to my head ..but somehow it got to the point where I clicked not attending on the events page. Then I fell asleep at some odd hour today and woke up from a dream and for a second I thought I was actually in Lanka..and then reality hit me and I got really depressed which in away inspired me to write this post. And then I just paused for a moment and thought. I NEED TO GET A FUCKING LIFE. I WILL GO TO THAT PARTY AND I WILL REMIND MYSELF WHAT IT IS LIKE TO ACTUALLY LIVE LIFE.

I guess it’s not like I’m not trying. I am trying, but at the same time I’m failing drastically. In summary I just want to go back. it’s where I belong, it’s who I am and it’s where I am myself. When I think of my country I’d close my eyes for a moment and be there at that very moment. I’d picture Colombo, with yellow street lights, big neon bill boards, busy roads, the breeze , the smell, the entire atmosphere is so inviting, heart warming and beautiful. I want to finish my degree soon and go back. I don’t want a brand new beginning, I just want a new start to what I left behind. And I hope it’s just around the corner and I will get there soon…

I MISS HOME.

The media didn’t leave it alone. There was much talk about artists entering the political scene and what kind of impact they might have on our nation, yet alone the national representative body that has supreme legislative powers within the state.It’s serious stuff you know.  But of course they had their answers for it, and there were people stupid enough to buy these words as well. These popular, much famous artists very kindly requested not to limit their possibilities and based their arguments along the lines of being able to take their personal capabilities to higher levels in order to serve the people they love, to serve the people who are so kind to them, to serve their beloved fans, to be an inspiration to children and women, to serve the country, dadi dadi daaa…..Please just go back to your mini skirts and shut the hell up!?

I will be honest and tell you that I do not know anything about politics. But I think I know enough to say that after watching the DERANA 360 interview with Upeksha Swarnamali (a.k.a Paba) for the second time, I just had to express my disappointment in behalf of my very own poor soul and many other much disgusted audiences around the world who watched it. If you are reading this dearest Paba, please take this criticism and know that it’s completely constructive, pull your socks up and just try to get your act together. I’m sure this is not the first time you’re getting this, so face it darl you’re hearing it again, from yet another truly disgusted citizen, a part of  a nation YOU are holding responsibility for. Firstly, I don’t care what party you are from ’cause in fact, that’s the least thing that matters and YOU presented yourself to the people as a capable individual – a well known, famous actress who according to your statement has stepped to the political scene with completely GOOD intentions. And so that is EXACTLY what we are digging for. A well presentable woman who we can safely depend on. What am I saying , forget ‘safely’ at least the type we can ignore even if you go do something stupid. But watching you facing that interview, completely lost , hardly aware of what you were even talking about  and most of the time not understanding what you were even ASKED , you really did send chills down my spine.

I’m sorry to be picking at you like this, but where is your appropriate personal conduct, where is the part where you have to present yourself as an individual that can be respected, that can be looked up to, that can be relied on and is completely dependable? You go on live TV as a POLITICIAN with the usual hair flicks , long pauses, cute little giggles, and constantly searching for the right words to say?  You certainly do leave audiences speechless! Oh yes, you totally have it in you.

It angers me, ’cause you are messing around with something that cannot afford to be mishandled anymore. As future leaders of our country many of us are now more interested in these affairs and it’s just truly disappointing to know that people like you represent our generation and try to set examples when in truth you have revealed to the whole nation that  this game of politics is in fact only a play ground for you. Come on woman, at least get your principals right. Just as you were asked, what are your intentions? what is your political dream/goal? Yes you want to support in the up bringing of affairs concerning women and children in the Gamapha district but how will you achieve them? You might want to look up the meaning of the word ‘politician’ and yes it does have more than one definition and maybe that is why you are so confused as to what your role is. However judging you by the interview I assume the following will suit you best

”a seeker or holder of a public office, who is more concerned about winning favor or retaining power than about maintaining principles.”

‘Cause ONE, you don’t have your principals clarified and defined and TWO, you chose to be elected from Gampaha District ’cause you have more fans there’ – That was one of the reasons as you mentioned, and maybe that was just not the right thing to say, because however much you say that you have entered the political scene with good intentions and that you have no motivation to steal or cheat, your answer just set a very wrong impression. The parliament is not a place to learn your ABC . like I said before, it’s not a place to be mishandled anymore… so please find your answers soon or pack your clothes and go home. And how highly you spoke about conserving our culture, and keeping  our traditions. But in you I see no woman who preserve OR live up to either one of it. You also mentioned that you will continue your acting career and somehow find time for it no matter how busy your political life may be. But then again at the end of the show, when you were asked what your aim was for your artistic career you said there was nothing at all. Clearly you need to clarify many things within your self and when you do please make sure you bring them to the acknowledgement of the people too, ’cause you surely do have some courtesy towards the people who voted you right? Poor negligent souls.

It has been almost six months since this interview took place. So hopefully within these six months you HAVE taken maximum use of the Parliament Library and learned your basic politics. You have hopefully gone to elocution or something and learned how to speak to a public audience, gotten  rid of your random hair flicks and is now in a presentable state as a stateswoman. You cannot COME to a place as important as the Parliament and THEN learn your ‘STUFF’ ( as you mentioned in another interview). We don’t want uneducated, unethical, immature, irresponsible people like you who does not know head or tale about state politics to rule  a nation that is well in need of true leadership. You’ve gone far in the arts, and  I personally think it would’ve been best if you just stayed there. I mean it’s great that you wanted to explore your inner possibilities but wouldn’t it have been great if you didn’t put so many at such risk. And it’s truly great that you love social service and that you want to help your people. You can still do that in a personal level right? You might argue that it’s much easier to bring attention to the needs of people when you hold a position in the parliament, it’s true ..but eerr you might want to re-think if you are really up for this role. Well anyway I wish you best of luck and I certainly hope you learn fast ’cause we certainly have no time to waste until our parliamentarian toddlers grow up. You are only ONE of these many toddlers in the parliament and seriously, screw you all. Just one more thing. You stated you wanted to be an inspiration to  women, children and youth..dude believe me, in the eyes of many of us you have been just a total disappointment.  Okay fine I’ll be nice for once and say that you inspired me in some way..like for example (only example) to write this blog about complete comedy shows….Like you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-sKiNjPEvI0&feature=&p=0A3B3DFECA560C86&index=0&playnext=1

p.s – you gotta watch the above clips on youtube.  And Derana thank you for being an eye opener to the  stupid idiots who wasted their precious votes on  such individuals who are apparently well accomplished and highly suitable to be actively involved in party politics.

I knew that a friend was sick, a friend had to be visited at the hospital, I knew this friend’s situation was serious, but I didn’t know this friend was Nabeel Jalaludeen. As I got to know that he passed away, the news was tragic, but it only hit me hard as I saw the face of the boy who left so many hearts weeping for his beautiful soul. Yes, he is beautiful…you look into his eyes, and you can’t help but wonder what his life would’ve been like, if he was still amongst the many who loved him. I’ve been visiting his facebook profile every now and then, reading the comments, the posts and the messages from everyone who misses him so dearly, going through his pictures, reading his future plans and it brings tears to my eyes, to think how successful he was in all aspects of  life, and suddenly everything which was at halt came to a cruel end.

Today almost every Facebook profile I come across has a picture of him with his bright smile and courages green eyes. It’s too heart breaking, and leaves even a stranger like me in tears and feeling the loss of a young man I didn’t even know that existed. I have stopped clicking on every post and profile picture dedicated to him, simply because if I do, I know it would just depress me, but what am I thinking, do I even know what it is like for his family and friends?

In one of the blogspot articles’ an anonymous had posted a comment referring to this incident as utter ‘crap’. What a disappointment. The level of humanity of ruthless people like this will continue to take away the lives of innocent souls like Nabeel. But then again how can we put a full stop to these disruptive qualities that have overtaken the power of law, religion and morality? While many of us shudder in anger as we remember the so called ”doctor” who put their dearest Chakka in this inevitable position, we know that we can’t bring him back… but is there any  force at all that can do  Nabeel Jalaludeen justice?

I didn’t know you Nabeel, and there are many others like me who didn’t get the opportunity to be a part of your life. But needless to say, you have left us all shattered, and we will remember you as a young man, who left an undying mark in so many people’s lives. I cannot express enough how much you are missed by everyone and all your fond memories will  continue to brighten and bring happiness to the hearts you touched . May your courages soul rest in peace. GOD BLESS YOU.

”the times we’ve spent together, the times of joy and sorrow..will always be in my heart..the 3 years i have known u, u have been such a great friend…what saddens me is that i never had a chance to tell u all this..all the crazy fun we’ve had..i’ll never forget them ever..u were one amazing person, and u had such a beautiful soul..i love u chakka! and i’ll miss u alot..mwah! may gods richest blessings be with you” – Shanika Fernando

”THE GREEN EYES WHICH HE HAS, THE CRAZY THINGS WHICH HE TELLS…THE CRAZY THINGS WHICH HE DID…WE ALL NEVER GONNA SEE AGAIN….WE DON’T HAVE THE STRENGTH TO BRING HIM BACK..BUT WE DO HAVE THE PAST WHICH HE GAVE TO ALL OF US THAT NEVER EVER FORGET…..NABEEL YOU ARE MORE THAN A FRIEND TO ME BRO….I REALLY MISS YOU A LOT I NEVER THOUGHT YOU’LL LEAVE US LIKE THIS…MISS YOU BROTHER…YOU WILL ALWAYS BE IN OUR MIND AS A GREAT FRIEND” -Bimsara Rozairo

”Chakka you were always more than a friend to me bro, I will always miss u for ever may u REST IN PEACE brother….:-(” – Ramith Rambukwella

”Chakka your never gone bro!! ur always in our heart n ur alive among us, within us. We love you! n for as long as we live ul b remembered n alive within n among us all” – Dilen Perera

The story is about an Indonesian fisherman who was diagnosed by a very rare and rather dreadful virus. I’m not exactly familiar with how exactly all this started, but this man started growing warts in his whole body which affected his entire being in many different ways. These warts started growing so vigorously, that it covered his body transforming his hands and feet into tree-like. He walked with his rooted feet with much difficulty. He had three children to feed, but his hands were unable to provide for them. His financial status was not strong enough to cure this illness and so he held this horrendous burden for 10 years until finally the Indonesian government decided to take Dede’s destiny into their hands.

You’ve probably heard this story before. He took the world’s attention and was known across seas as the Tree Man. The government of Indonesia willing to help Dede cure his sickness was a great relief for Dede and everyone so dear to him, but the story of his life as Tree Man doesn’t stop there. A well qualified team of Indonesian doctors took the risk of this 35-year olds’ life making plans thinking of Dede’s possibility of cure, the dangers and most importantly HOW they were going to deal with something as rare as this. After months of monitoring his first operation date was set. Meanwhile a doctor from the USA was interested in helping with this massive project, but somehow he getting involved in this delayed due to miscommunication amongst the two teams. The initial plan was to cut the horns growing on his hands and feet and gradually removing all the warts from his skin. It was very risky, but everyone had hopes for this mans future.

Finally when they started on the operation, they had to be very careful not to remove or cut off any of Dede’s fingers or toes. But however once they started the operation, the doctors found out that Dede’s immune system was very low and the fragileness of his bones put Dede’s life in great risk. They later found out he had Osteoporosis and had to stop the operation immediately. Mean while the doctor from USA had manage to contact the Indonesian medical team and he had come up with a Vitamin A treatment to cure Dede’s illness. And thankfully…the results were improving.

There are many instances in our lives where we always end up in a variety of feelings that sometimes we are unable to choose which is which. After watching Dede’s story, I felt terribly sorry for him, not entirely to the way he looked, but also to imagine what a lot of emotional stress he would have gone through during this period. It’s not a surprise about the various indecent reactions he got from the people around him. His wife left him with the children, well aware of his sickness and knowing so well that it was a time when he wanted love and care the most. Thankfully, she was not the only person he had on earth and Dede’s family was by his side at all times and helped him over come all his fears.

I think his story is a good example especially for us teenagers. You know the kind who fret so much over a pimple that we think it’s going to be the end of the world. Well I know I could be that sometimes…and I don’t think anything is important as loving yourself and loving who and what you’ve turned out to be. Dede knew he was different and it was hard on other people to even look at him, but he still had hopes for the future and didn’t give up on his dreams. Dede says his only hope is to get better soon so he can work on the farm his family bought for him and to look after his children. Now he can use his hands and do little things like dressing himself and even texting his girl friend!  Some of you may not agree with this, but I do believe that the karma we do, embraces us in some stage of our lives, and looking at Dede I couldn’t help but think it could have been a result of a huge sin he had done in a previous birth or something. And I just thought to myself, I’d never engage myself in a sin…Not intentionally anyway. Dede could have easily destroyed himself rather than living in that mess, but he knew better and I think it’s a great lesson for all of us.

Well however this is the story of the Tree Man and if you actually watched this documentary you’ll know there’s much more you can learn from him than what I’ve tried to explain. Maybe you’ll know what I’m trying to say once you see the images below….however, this man certainly touched my life.

http://www.photopumpkin.com/photo-blog/the-tree-man/

 I settle down on a small rock nearby this massive ornament of rocks,its cold dampness is brushing against my skin.I am away from all the laughter, all the activity. A moment alone, alone with the waters. Now my exhausted , victorius feet are at rest. I still cannot get myself to look straight ahead of me .But  the damp wind  slapping hard against my skin is forcing me to.My hair is blowing wildly against the increasing winds , the fabrics on my body as if in a wild ritual dance seems to be joining with the trees swaying to the dynamic music of the waves. Sometimes soft and gentle,  sometimes sharp, unexpected and fearsome.

I take another deep breath , a long one ….to look up, to take a glimpse of the beautiful queen of  the waters, laying in front of me with all its splendour. There she is majestic and glowing in all her pride. The monster in disguise.

My mind travels back to four years from today, and I shudder at its flash back. These waters still frighten me. I’m not afraid of dying but I want to die in peace, I don’t want to be swallowed up by a massive wave bloating me up to a sausage of flesh and water. I don’t want to be buried in the depth of  an ocean where fish will be feeding on me and mostly I don’t want to be thinking that the waters I loved so much, ever since my childhood would ever do that to me. But I remember the part she played that 26th of December 2004. She must’ve rehearsed for quite long to have been able to come up with such a great act, but then again I think could mother nature have been so mean to us all?

What am I thinking of course she could! Imagine what we’ve done to her. Invading her territory, manipulating her property, stealing from her, the corals, pearls and plants. Killing her children. And poluting her beauty. Once again it’s all our fault. How could man be so irresponsible  so foolish!! Why is it that we have no control over our doings, why do we never realise our limits why do we always exceed our borders, why are we so selfish and misunderdtanding? And now look what she’s done to us. What lesson she has taught us! Oh look at her, it’s as if she’s still laughing at me, mocking me…mocking at the human race.  Or maybe it’s just my imagination, she appears to be friendly and inviting. Should I embrace her?

No no, she’s just pretending. She was calm and serene that December too. Remember how she pulled away deeper to the ocean and……. I hear it!Again she’s laughing at me, she knows what I’m thinking of and she’s laughing at me because she remembers the greed my kind came after. Deeper and deeper she went people were marking their land marks already. Yet they were not happy. Her children in the fish markets were not enough for their greedy stomach’s and so these greedy humans started collecting all the fish left to die in the moist sands, probably thrilled at the sight of the struggling babies of mother nature. My my what a mistake.

WE made her furious. It was OUR fault. 

I remember how she took her revenge. I don’t think any of us will ever forget. The deep blue waters appearing to depart from the land, as if she could not take it any longer, as if it was her moment of death and suddenly with all unexpectation she showed us how bitter she could get, how cold and hard-hearted she can get, just like we were to her. The thunderous roar of the shaken sea, the strength of the undying current pulling away everything it reached, people struggling to conquer the deep waters, just like her children struggled to conquer the many fishnets. The bruising of bodies which made it impossible for one to recognise his own self, just as we bruised the pure waters of nature. Yes, yes we know what it feels like for you to lose all what you loved,  because today we have  lost our loved ones to you and yes I agree, it kills to not know where they are or what happened to them…. I agree, we agree. Your mission is complete. You left us with nothing but a piece of cloth. With no shelter food or a single penny.

As I keep staring to the far corners of the ocean ,the rolling waters seem to be fadin to an ease, as if she’s trying to tell me that she did not intend to do it all and as if she too, is sorry about what happened. But it is man kind himself who wrote his unfortunate fate. The vast destruction caused by the Tsunami wave, left whole nations in utter misery. It was a time through hell. Even at this time of  extreme  disaster we humans,  did not hesitate to fulfill our sinful desires . The number of stealing, kidnapping,rapes and killing. I do not know the reason behind all this corruption. If it’s simply because of  the lack of education, unemployment , poverty or simply because the human race is sick in the head. Of course there were generous contibutions made towards aid, but all that humanity is a waste as it cannot be reached up to or as it cannot beat the height of inhumanity in our society towards nature and our own kind.

What happened has happened , the lost is gone , the dead wont return and the money collected towards building a better tomorrow for the victims?….lets not talk about it. I take a deep sigh and walk towards the waters. My feet gently sinking into the slurry and the foam collecting around. As I watch the sun slowly sinking and embracing the beauty of the Ocean, my fear has taken its rest.I fall in love with the Queen all over again.

I may not be the happiest person on earth. But i’m lucky enough to have a family to call my own and friends who are so dear to me,to eat three  meals a day, to get a good education, to see new places, to get new clothes and other fancy things. I’m happy. And i’m thankful for all the things life has blessed me with. But to think there are so many others in this world who deserve the best in life as much as I do but stupid barriers such as war, ethnicity, and sometimes their own religion and culture are keeping them far apart from the beauty in life  is plainly depressing. To think there are so many  in my own country who are dreaming for a better tommorow, so many others who are crying to see the world and for the world to see them, to see their sorrow, to feel their pain..how can I go on pretending not to see all this . My motherland must be ashamed to call me a part of her own. Today, i’m miles and miles away from her, looking on the internet about the latest news on the civil war of  Sri Lanka, watching the perished bodies of my brothers and sisters cradling in her arms. I am ashamed of myself for leaving her borders, for not being able to be a part of my fellow countrymens’ misfortune. I am buried in a shower of guilt.

Sometimes I wonder, if I have achieved anythting at all in my life.I remember those freindly smiles of our protectors.. our guardians.. our soldiers.A caring arm waving at the giggling girls in our school bus,letting us know that there is still hope, there is still a future to look forward to.I wish I were more like them, stern but loving,fearless and vulnerable, responsible and devoted.The picture of that young man holding on to his T56, dressed in his camouflage costume , is certainly a picture of a knight in his shining armour glowing in pride and independence.And I am eternally in debt to these warriors.  I’m far away from my people, but my heart is huddled together with those innocent children who are frozen at the sound of the deafening explosions, with the babies who are waiting to see beyond the blackened skies and the men and women who are forced to die in the flames of war.I’m proud of the young warriors my contry has borne, and with all my heart and soul I bow my head to them for all what they are doing for my country , my people and our future.I shudder in anger at the people who are taking advantage of my country’s innocence, the ministers and other big big names who have stomach’s big enough to feed each and every begger on the streets .And to think there are people who call themselves Sri Lankan, who eat and drink from this land, and yet support terrorism in this country. I hope you have not forgotten that you are stepping on the soils of a sacred land and to betray her will be an unimaginable punishment. It saddens me to think there are people I know among this group. You disgust me.If you think all that chopping and blood sheding is the solution to this crisis you might as well not call yourself human and to you I say, go to hell.I am angry, I am crying. I’ve lost myself in emotion.

Mother Lanka….I am not here with you today, but I am holding a great part of all what you are going through. And I promise, when the time comes, when it is my turn to make it up to you I will pay what I owe you. Someday… I will prove mylsef to you. With determination I close my eyes, hoping that the fading night will bring a brighter dawn.

May the Triple Gem bless my  nation.